💜heart to heart-2

We were sitting on the bench of the park in women's hostel. She was not looking at me but she was waiting me to say something. I knew th...

We were sitting on the bench of the park in women's hostel. She was not looking at me but she was waiting me to say something. I knew that it was my decision to come here. But now I was in confusion where to start from.

Should I directly ask her to come to work?

Won't it sound desperate?

But i need her. She is a good employee.

"But you know that you are here for something else. You are here that what is in her that has dragged Arihant towards her" my subconscious mind said.

"No, this is their personal life. Who am I to interfere." I argued back.

"But you know that this is probably the last time you are meeting her. You can't let her go without knowing that X factor in her" my subconscious mind said and for a change, I agreed.

"Hmm hmm" she cleared her throat. I looked at her. She looked back at me. "I know that it would be very rude of me asking this but may i know why are you here? I mean after my resignation there is point of meeting us and that too you have come here" she asked in surprise.

She was right. 

"I want you to come back to hospital." I said without any expressions on my face. She looked down at her fingers. "I can't" she said kept looking down at her palms. "Why?" I asked raising my eyebrows. She looked at me for two seconds then looked down in defeat. "Because I was recommended there. I didn't get this job because I deserve it" she said very calmly. 

Did Arihant bhai say something to her?

Should I take his name?

My bad! I should have talked to him before coming here. Now, what should I say. Damn!

"What is the problem with that?" I said confidently."i mean people do take support from their well wisher. For some they might be their parents, friends or relatives" i said gazing my eyes on her.

I soooo wanted her to speak about that. I wanted her to Arihant Bhai's name. I was waiting her to initiate this conversation.

"But the one who recommended me is no one to me. He is neither my friend nor my relative" she said in low voice but loud enough to hear.

Finally, she spoke something. I just have to ignite this fire a bit more.

" But he is your well wisher" i said. She looked at me suddenly.

"What did he tell you about me?" She asked. It was evident that she wanted to know about this more.

"What do you think? What must have he told me?" I asked in demanding manner.

"I don't know him. How would I know about his recommendation for me?"she said lowering her eyes as if she was trying to avoid this conversation.

"May I know who are we talking about?" I asked with a smirk. It is so strange we are talking about him but still she isn't taking his name.

She stayed silent. She didn't say something me. She was strangling her fingers themselves. It seemed like she was thinking what to say. Even after two minutes, she didn't say anything. She was continuously looking down. Why does she always look down? She isn't like this on work place. She is so confident there. I am more surprised now that why and how Arihant bhai is so much into her even when she isn't ready to take her name.

"See, i don't want to push it. So I am going to talk straight" i said directly looking at her. She looked at me with a surprised expression. "You mean something to him. This is why he cares for you." My voice suddenly softened. She was looking at me. " Yes, it's true that he recommended you and yes, i gave you this job due to him. But trust me, you were perfect for this job. You didn't give me any excuse for anything. I am more than satisfied with your work." I said trying to make her explain.

She listened to me carefully. She was looking at me as if she was trying to figure out something. She looked down again after few seconds. She thought something and then looked up again.

"He knew that I wouldn't like to be recommended. But still he did." She took a pause. She closed her eyes for around five seconds and then again looked at me. "He shouldn't have done that. I am not happy with this fact. More like, I am hurt and seeing him there that day hurt me even more." 

What is she? Why is she even hurt man!!

How can she be so thankless? 

"But that wasn't his intention. He didn't want to hurt you." I said defending him.

She smiled a little. 

"I am not doubting his intention. I am saying that what he  did isn't liked by me. We are humans, sir. We can't assume all the things just by ourselves. When it's comes to the matters which might hurt someone, these matters ought to be discussed. We aren't mind readers. It doesn't matter how much we claim to know and understand someone. We each other's help to navigate these tricky problems." She said very calmly.

Her statement made me dumbstruck. Is this really so? And even if it is then is this mandatory in my case too? No, it's not. Karishma loves me. She doesn't need words to understand me.

"But when there's connection of hearts, we don't need words to communicate." She said back trying to convince myself that what she said can be countered. 

She smiled lightly, yet again.

"Connection of heart is mandatory to believe in words. This connection doesn't demand for the proves of the words. But to expect that this connection is enough to make a relationship work. This concept doesn't even exist. And yet many people live this illusion" she said.

Her words were bucket of ice on me. 

I was expecting Karishma to understand me everytime. But i never talked to her my heart out. All this time,i have been thinking that since she is now in my life. She doesn't need to know anything about past in order to understand me. But that's what love is about. Know each other even without saying anything.

I didn't know what to answer her. She has literally made me speechless. No one could ever do that so far. But she did.

"When you genuinely care for someone, you are ready to accept them without judging them. Past and truth perhaps make the other person judge ." I said looking down. 

I didn't know why I was discussing this with her. But i felt like discussing this with her. It was awkward but i didn't stop myself.

I was looking at her intensely waiting for her answer. She was also looking at me. She stood up for a while and went near the pot which was already there. She took a glass of water from that and drank it. Then she came and sat on the bench again. She was thinking something. But what? She looked back at me with a no expression face.

"Sir, i think we have had of our conversation. If you want to say anything else, then please." She said looking in my eyes. I could see that she wasn't comfortable with talking to me this way. But i couldn't help it now, i want to know more. Unknowingly but she was helping me somewhere. She was indirectly clearing my myths.

Should I leave now?

But i want to talk more.

'she has indirectly refused to talk to you, idiot' my subconscious mind said.

I don't care, i need to talk to her. Even if i beg her to continue this conversation. I ll do that.

No,no vishu. You can't show your weak side to her. You hardly know her.

But, i know her enough to trust her words without revealing real self to her.

And even if i would sound vulnerable and weak, I don't mind. This is for karishma. And now this is high time when i have to do things which i never thought i would do. Because I want her back in my life, in my home, in our home.

                 "Arti, I know that we are not suppose to talk this way but i want this to continue." I said in a weak and vulnerable voice. She looked at me with confusion. "But can we talk more for sometime?" I asked with hope. I couldn't believe myself that i was literally begging her and that too just for her few words. WISE words. She must be feeling pity for me.

But to my surprise her confusion was changed in some other expression. It was not pity. It was assurance. Yes, her light smile and face was assuring me that i can open up myself in front of her.

She sat back,so did I?

I was quite now. I didn't know what to say. She must be feeling my awkwardness.

"Past is bundle of memories. And each memory has something in it." I looked at her with this. She was already looking at me. I kept on looking at her.

She might have felt that i was hesitating to tell her exact situation.

" It can be anything or anyone, any place, thing or person" she continued. I was listening to her very patiently.

" If the related person was good then that memory become memorial and we cherish it all our life. It makes us happy and a happy person keep others happy too." She said. Then she looked down." But if the person was miserable then that memory start haunting us. We stuck in those memories in such a way that we can't even realise that how much we are hurting the people who actually care for us." She said and then looked back at me.

She is right. I am also stuck. I have also given pain to my maa, didi and specially my angel.

"Then how can we get rid of this stickness?"  I asked in hope of something positive to me. I needed this answer desperately. She looked in my eyes with lots of sympathy. But this sympathy wasn't bothering me.

"Is it a relationship?" She asked bluntly.

I was shocked. I didn't know what to say.

Should I say this?

I was very much lost in my thoughts.

"Forgiveness is the only way you can get rid of this burden" she said looking away. I was hell confused now.

"What do you mean?" I asked her.

"When a memory is bad. We need to move on to forget that." She said.

" It is said that 'forgive but don't forget'. But trust me, this is the most misunderstood statement in universe" she said trying to make me understand.

"I have already moved on" i said and stood up. I was trying my best to avoid her eyes. 

Her eyes were full of sincerity.

"I have someone else in my life now.i have accepted her the way i should. I have genuinely moved on" i said trying to convince her or was i convincing me?

" Then why are you so restless?" She stood up and asked. Her question was a chilled water on my face. I turned and looked at her.

She took two steps towards me.

"In order to move on, you have to forget and in order to forget you have to forgive first." She explained.

Forgiveness and that too for Tanya. No bloody way.

"I can't forgive her. I can never forgive her" i said gritting my teeths. I turned around and trying to control this frustration. 

"We ask god for forgiveness for anything we have done wrong. Knowingly or unknowingly. We expect him to forgive us. But when it comes to us. Why are we so weak to do it? Shouldn't we do the same we expect for ourselves?" She said.

Oh god! She is only 28 not 68. How can her every word pierce my thoughts and misconceptions.

"Because we are humans. We aren't god. We can't forgive that easily." I said turning back.

She smiled again.

"Exactly, we are humans. We have needs. And moving on is one of those needs." She said and turned back. She sat on the bench again.

" Just having someone else in your life doesn't say that you have moved on. You can just pretend and fool yourself about it. But pain and fear will always remain in you. You will keep on hurting yourself and people around you" she said.

'either this fear will remain in you or you're mine' karishma's words echoed in my ear.

Is Arti right? 

Is forgiveness is that important?

I walked and sat on the bench again.i was looking down in defeat. 

"She is not guilty of what she has done? She has never asked for forgiveness" i said kept looking down.

She kept her palm on my shoulder. I looked at her. She gave me a warm smile. She took her hands back of my shoulder.

" Why do you think that forgiveness is the culprit's need only? It's forgiver's need too. And since you want to get rid of those memories, it becomes even more important for you to forgive her." She said. " Forgiveness sets us free, sir. Free to go wherever we want, to stay wherever we want"she said.

What can I do now?

Can I forgive her?

No, what she did was unforgivable. She can't be forgiven.

But, what Arti said is the only way to keep karishma happy and by my side.

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2291 words😱

I can't believe that i have written this long chapter.

Trust me guys,i have tried my best to give you details as fine as possible.

This is my favourite chapter so far.

Which one is yours?

This chapter actually took lots of effort, thinking and time.

What's your views about Arti's thoughts? 

Do you agree with her?

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